Dating in Denton: Let's Be Honest
All men are great at one thing: lying.
I’m over my ex. I’m single. I’m into you. I didn’t come inside you. I love you. I’m sober. I’m busy this weekend. I didn’t sleep with her. I’m not technically in a relationship. I don’t have a Snapchat. My dick is above average length. I’m not fucking anyone else. I just want to borrow this book. I don’t have chlamydia. I’m not replacing you.
Because of these lies, I’ve unknowingly (at least twice, probably more, because lying by omission is a very real thing!) slept with men who had girlfriends.
(If we are being honest, and we are, I would have slept with them anyway, but I would have felt bad about it, which would only have made it hotter. Win-win-win.)
Because of these lies, I’ve had multiple books stolen from me. I really should have learned after the first time, but I’m a big supporter of literacy, so....
Because of these lies, I’ve spent money I didn’t super have to get a shot in my ass that I otherwise would not have needed.
Because of these lies, I’ve poured every ounce of my energy into making relationships work with people who didn’t love me anymore (ever?).
I am often praised for my brash and brutal bluntness. The truth is: truth works.
I hate hurting people’s feelings, so I tell them up front what my expectations are: i.e., “I think you’re cute and I want to fuck you, but I don’t want anything beyond that.” Sure, it might sting at first, but Christ, it’s so much better for the other party than being led on, teased, ghosted, or not communicated with at all.
I also avoid sleeping with my friends under the guise of not wanting to “ruin a friendship” when in reality it’s due to my fear of vulnerability and my inability to equate pleasure and intimacy, but we can talk about that never.
In other words, if you practice honesty, you are more likely to get what you want without damaging your relationships.
Recently, I offered my phone number to two different strangers after we had chatted for a bit. The first gladly took my number but never reached out, and a few days later, I saw this person out with someone else. The second politely declined, saying, “I’m actually okay.” Fuck that first guy. But the second guy? I’ve got insane respect for him because he was honest.
@ those dudes who told me they were single simply to fuck me: big ole’ yikes, first of all–second of all, if you wanted to sleep with other people, ask your girlfriend if she’s considered an open relationship. If that fails, remove yourself from that woman’s life, because she deserves so. much. fucking. better. than. you.
It’s easy to tell someone you’ve just met that you’re interested in them. Compliment their hair, their outfit, whatever it is that you like about them. Telling someone they’re cute works surprisingly well and is harmless enough to gauge a reaction without insulting someone.
Depending on how they’ve reacted to your compliment, figure out a way to connect with this person. “What are you doing tonight?” “Can I give you my phone number?” (ALWAYS ask to give your number to this person rather than asking for theirs; it’s less invasive and somehow if there is a letdown, it stings less.) “What’s your Insta handle?” “If you’re single, I’d love to go out with you.” “Why haven’t we had sex yet?” (I tried this one recently and it actually worked.)
You don’t need to be particularly funny, confident, or calm—I am a SUPER ANXIOUS AND AWKWARD PERSON—but I strive to be honest with myself and others. I don’t have fear of putting myself out there because the worst that can happen is someone says no.
In other words: If you meet someone and you’re interested in them, then tell them! Give them your number. It’s not difficult. If you like someone’s shoes, tell them. If you want to know if someone is single, ask them (and hope they aren’t fucking lying). If you want to sleep with someone, tell them. If that’s all you want, tell them. If you’d rather stay friends, tell them.
If someone tells you they like you but you don’t feel the same way, how fucking dare you lie to her goddamn face over and over again! Ask her to be exclusive, spend hours on the phone with her, go to movies, go to shows, read together, make dinner together, spend every night together—but act surprised when, months later, she asks why you aren’t dating yet.
Ladies (a recently established gender-neutral term), trust no one.
See you next week.
Vix is a sex and dating columnist for the Dentonite. Follow her on Twitter: @VixVickson. Email her: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Header image by Mateo Granados